You Need To Purify Yourself In The Waters of Lake Minnetonka

In case you haven't heard the news, 15-20 members of the 1-3 Minnesota Vikings used an off day during their bye week to hold a "team building" exercise.

Did the Vikings go out to dinner and stick the rookie with the bill? No, of course not.

Did they throw on blouses, eyeliner and make a boring movie/album/career? No, of course not.

This group in purple rented two cruise boats on Lake Minnetonka and had themselves an orgy. Nothing says "team spirit" like group sex, right? (Side note, why is everything in Minnesota purple? Prince wore purple, and he's from there. The Vikings wear purple. Apparently, the rain in Minnesota is purple. Also, why does every team in Pittsburgh wear black and gold? Why do some people think cucumbers taste better pickled?)

This "bonding" exercise, which is currently under investigation, is just the latest in a series of public relations nightmares that new owner Zygi Wilf has had to endure since purchasing the team late last year. First there was the trade of the team's best player, Randy Moss, and then the head coach getting busted for scalping his allotment of Super Bowl tickets. And who could forget the one year suspension of RB Onterrio Smith for violating the league's substance abuse policy when he was caught with a drug-masking kit called "The Whizzinator" at an airport in May.

Before you think I'm about to admonish a group of professional athletes for something like this, let me be real clear: This is nothing new. Pick a sport, hell, pick a team, and you'll be able to unearth unsavory stuff just like this.

The Dallas Cowboys of the 1990s had the infamous "White House" in Plano, Texas, which was used by several players (including legendary douchebag Michael Irvin) for drugs and extramarital shenanigans. Soon-to-be-former Boston Red Sox CF Johnny Damon openly admits infidelity (and his punishment is a 2nd wife with a large collection of clear-heeled shoes and a penchant for pole dancing).

We know they haven't yet, but have you read the literary efforts of Jose Canseco or Lawrence Taylor? "LT" used to send hookers to the hotel rooms of his opponents. Do you think he'd do that if it didn't provide him with an advantage? Womanizing behavior by professional athletes is so common, Anna Benson, wife of New York Met pitcher Kris Benson, threatened to sleep with every teammate and staffer employed by the Mets if her husband was caught straying. And if I was a Met, I'd be giving Kris the "LT" treatment every road trip.

No, I'm not surprised at all that athletes participate in this type of behavior. What I am surprised at is the stupidity that's involved in this particular incident. One of the boats was rented to a "Fred Smoot", which isn't an alias, it's the name of the high-priced CB the team signed in the offseason. So at least authorities know where to go for some answers. Thus far, he's the only player to be named in the investigation, but my moles tell me that the identity of one of the other Culprits might be somewhat of a surprise.

This "Carnal Cruise" that the Vikings allegedly took part in sums up the 2005 Minnesota Vikings perfectly. Even during a bye week, they've found a way to come away losers. And keep in mind, they traded away the "problem child", Randy Moss, with the hope that the off-field nonsense would dissipate. How's that strategy working out?

With the team asking for over $400 million in public funds for a new stadium, incidents like this are certainly going to prompt Wilf to blow this team up as quickly as possible. Somewhere, Red McCombs is searching his couches for loose change, and he's having himself a good laugh at what his former team is dealing with.